The service was small...

this Sunday, something to be expected following Thanksgiving. Yet what they say about "two or three gathered together..." in the Scriptures is true and size is no indicator of grace.

It is an awesome thing to stand before holy gifts and to lead the people of God in worship. Despite what would appear to the untrained or unknowing eye as repetition and ritual there is great power and presence flowing through, in, and with the liturgies of the Church. It is a calm holiness, a peaceful sense of presence, the experience of touching larger things in a moment out of time.

When I was actively seeking out and living in the charismatic movements of protestantism my heart and the hearts of those with me were genuinely seeking. Yet I could not endure the sheer volume, the confusion I saw around me in worship. I would stand, alone, surrounded by voices in languages without comprehension and wonder why I was left out, why the music went on without me.

As I traveled on to Orthodoxy I came to realize that it was not the earthquake or the whirlwind that mattered but rather the still small voice. A heart filled with the noise of the world or replacing that noise for noise with holy intent is still not at rest. In the quiet pacing of words and action larger than the moment and greater than the people completing them is a place where the still small voice can be heard and rest comes to those who seek it.

I am most whole, most complete, most real, when I worship.