On the whole...

On the whole I am a grateful man, not necessarily for the specifics as this has been a tiring year with some very hard times, but, for the larger picture and greater graces that have carried me along and continue.

Coming to terms with the fact that much of what the world out there calls "success" will always elude us is part of the maturing process, the understanding of life in panorama and not just snapshot. And there is a bitterness to that, no, more of a melancholy. Even when we know for a fact the hype is just that and those who have attained heights we can only imagine still carry the primal human emptiness we remain creations of what our culture values and the message has been force fed on us for so long and with such passionate intensity that we still believe we'll be the exception to the rule, the one person who can truly have it all with no regrets, no empty spots, and no loss.

But sooner or later the thinning hair or sagging this or that and the ravages of time bear undeniable witness and we have to choose. Do we wish to be some kind of caricature like those sad old people whose faces have been lifted to the point of distortion and whose energy is spent throwing themselves against thier own mortality like a "Jackass the Movie" stuntman or do we come to some knowledge greater than ourselves that allows us to place all the events of our life, including the future, in a context that understands life but is never conquered by that reality?

If only for coming to ask that question at all I am grateful for this hard year. Because the correct answer to that question is precisely the place where grace can flow in to any life and transform what in a more hopeless moment would seem to be a relentless grind towards the cemetery into a journey of hope.

I'm holding out for that, thinning hair, sagging parts, and all.