The ice thaws...

It's been a good day today and the ice is thawing.

Yesterday was spent making fruitcake and having a good conversation with my mother. Today comes good news from the doctor regarding my cholesterol levels which have taken a dramatic decline (almost fifty points). The schedule is starting to get under control and the mandolin practice is starting to pay off as I practice carols for the folks where I work. A good sleep last night makes a difference as well.

I think everyone in our family knows this will be a hard Christmas. My brother's death will touch everything but that's not bad because it means he's missed and we're inconvenienced and lost in a certain way without his presence. It would be more frightening if all of this had happened and it meant nothing. The irony is that in some ways he will be more present to us in his absence then he was when he was with us and we sort of took things for granted. In the normal course of life we often are not truly present to each other because we never ponder that things can end. When they do we seem to value what, or who, was lost in a different way. Death and loss are a jolt that wakes us from the slumber of the everyday and teaches the value of what matters. But it does so at a horrific cost.

So Paul will be there in every gift, every thought, every moment of our time together in a way that he should have been, and each of us should have been to each other, had we not just made the assumption that everything will be as it is always has been world without end. Again that is as it should be because he mattered and still matters and will always matter. While the years may change the way we understand this the fact of it will remain.

The moral of this story? Whenever and however you and yours get together at Christmas go beyond the gifts and the food and the parties and be present with those who share your life and this moment. It goes by too fast to just put everything on autopilot and assume there will be some future time when you can put in the time and effort to bind your heart to those you love.

Now and only now is available. Always has been, always will be. World without end. Amen.