Things along the way...

It's around about my birthday but I don't feel as old as I thought this would be when I was a kid. If that makes sense.

Regardless, I wish I knew what I know now with an 18 year old body but its not the nature of things. Wisdom comes with an older body. I guess its God's way of balancing things out.

So much has changed and I don't think the world is anything like I imagined it would be when I reached my middle 40's. I was, frankly, hoping for something better, maybe something that looked a lot more like the Jetson's but its not working out that way. Technology changes, people don't, and I'm a person just like everyone else.

And some things remain. I still have music running in, around, and through me. Its been that way since I was a kid. I'm still very curious about things and perfer to know a little about a lot rather than much about just one thing. I look in the mirror and see just about the same person I've always seen even though I've noticed that my face has changed. I still like Jesus and trust that he hasn't grown tired of me.

There's a part of me, as well, that still thinks I haven't quite found my purpose and calling yet, that one thing that I was destined to be. I've done a lot of things, some well, but that sense of being in the right place in the right time eludes me. I get frustrated by that sometimes but it could just as well mean that I'm still a work in progress with things to do or maybe just that somehwere deep inside I know I'm a traveler and part of that is never quite feeling at home until heaven.

These days I find myself caught between things. Part of me regrets how fast time has been moving, all the wonderful things that are yet to be experienced, all the good things that are, and how much I want to have them all. Another part of me counts down the days until I can rest. Right now I'm leaning towards the former but some times I see the benefit of the latter. Perhaps I'm moving towards that place where so many old folks are, a place somewhere between earth and heaven and fearing neither. That would be alright.

But tonight is a baseball night, one of my passions, and then tomorrow St. Elias calls again with a morning tour for some Lutheran ladies interested in Orthodoxy, Vespers, Matins, Divine Liturgy, Parish Council, and then home again.

On second thought, that rest is looking better all the time.